Empowered

Since my last post I have gotten sicker. I stayed home to prevent getting worse, at least I thought, but it managed to still manifest in my body, moving from my lungs to throat. I am sure strep throat is what I am now on antibiotics for.

One benefit of countries such as India is the roadside pharmacies! I got a full dose of arythromicine for $1.50, without a prescription. Not the ideal system. As you can imagine a system like this can be abused. The only preventative of that happening here is $1.50 is a lot of money to most Indian people. In North America, a system like this would be abused without a doubt, since prescription drug abuse already is an issue, and a growing one. It actually can, and has, created a vulnerability among addicted women selling themselves into prostitution, possibly even with a risk of being trafficked. This is how I can relate this work back to home, as we are being encouraged to do. Sex-trafficking is not an ‘Indian issue’ but a global one.

Sex trafficking of women happens in Canada and even Ottawa-Gatineau. Although I am here, I have supported, want to make it very aware, that we have an amazing grass-roots organization called PACT-Ottawa who supports survivors and works towards advocacy within Ottawa-Gatineau. They are even collaborating with St. Joe’s and offering workshops in the month of March to teach social workers, women’s advocacy/shelter groups, etc. ways they can become informed, spot, support, and work with marginalized/at risk women within Ottawa-Gatineau. You can find out more here: https://www.eply.com/HumanTraffickingTraintheTrainerWorkshop700119

It’s so important that we as a community work together to shed light on this issue and support others who are doing the ‘real’ work in the field. I met Aloka Mittra yesterday. She is the founder of Women’s Interlink Foundation here in Kolkata (www.womensinterlinkfoundation.org) I am in love with the woman and wish every woman I know could meet her and be fed like I have by her strength, determination, passion and love.

When she talked about her work she was honest in saying that she had a very supportive family and grew up better off than most. She was sent to the UK to school and decided that she didn’t want to learn what most women were learning but that she wanted to be in with the men, so she took a course traditionally taken by men, or known here to be a ‘man’s job’. She met her husband in school and knows how ‘lucky’ she is to have a progressive, supportive husband. She chose to have children and take care of her family as her number one prioriety in life. She said “I knew I had to choose, as I only give my best to whatever I do, and my family deserves the best.’ After some though, because of her time at home, and I think feeling ‘less than’ being a house wife, she told her husband she was going to start working at the age of 30 or so. I say I think, because she is uber passionate about considering traditional ‘house wives’ as enormous contributors to society and need to be taken seriously as a ‘job’ and contributors.  She is now working on getting this traditional role included in the National census here.

After some time she began working in the government run homes for orphans as a social worker. They used to be very rare, still very much are, but at her time they were majority volunteer based pretty much and I don’t think considered important.  She began enlisting her friends, as her husband’s dad “just adored” her and gave her his car and driver each day. She loved going in and supporting the kids and empowering other woman she knew to get out and serve others as well. Most of the women are the founding members of WIF and still within the foundation in some aspect.

From there she began to establish homes that were not government run, but honoured her values and ethics, and what she thought these children needed.

They house many kids. Each one we visited had over 100 girls. All of the girls are rescued from the streets, sex trafficking, runaways, abandoned, or given over to her by their mothers. The mothers are mostly prostitutes who know they cannot care for them properly or know they are at risk and want to make sure it doesn’t happen. WIF then takes legally guardianship until the age of 18. What I really loved, is that the mothers are encouraged to visit at least once a month, and Aloka will not allow the girls to call her, or anyone for that matter, mother. They teach them that no matter what they have a mother and to honour her in whatever way she can. Aloka is known as grandmother, and she really is. She knows every girl by name and story in each orphanage. Each girl has their cell phone numbers in case they need it. She isn’t ‘too good’ for anyone.

She attributes the success of the foundation on her ability to collaborate with everyone and form meaningful partnerships, even with the Kolkata police, which is a huge feat! She empowers all the women on her team and says that they laugh a lot, ‘it is their therapy’. She said that women are known to be emotional, and that she cries, gets frustrated, angry, but only with other women who support her and feel like her so that they is mutual respect and understanding, and that it is important to emote and have a support system. This is really what makes it sustainable. And that when she is in her role as advocate, grandmother, researcher, everything really, she is then able to stand strong and speak her mind effectively.

“Forget about the fast lane. If you really want to fly, just harness your power to your passion.” -Oprah

I resonated so much with everything she said. It is really how I work and what I believe. It is so important that as women we have a strong support network. In my opinion, this is the only way we can be truly effective without becoming overly emotional and letting it cloud out judgement and the outcome, especially when we are trying to stand up and speak our truth.

This can be a challenge. As women we can be clouded because we don’t have this system set up. We aren’t able to support, empower, and lift each other up because of fear, jealousy, trust issues, and so much more. This is what I dealt with growing up, one of the things I feared coming here, and something I feel I am tested on constantly.

I started JOY because I found what it was to have support, fell honestly loved by women friends finally, and empowered by them. I knew it was possible, what it felt like. I am on this path not only to empower others, but for my own healing and transformation, as it offers me many opportunities for it. I feel very blessed to have met Aloka and she is just another piece of the puzzle that shows how women working together can create real, sustainable change. This is something I believe in the depth of my heart and she is a beautiful reminder of it.

After meeting Aloka we painted and played with the girls of the shelter, as funding is supporting a large upstairs building so that they can house more girls and employ more social workers. Each girl is sent to school for education and they are still encouraged to stay within custom and marry, but Aloka and the women screen all the prospective men and ‘grill them lol, research their background, make sure they are employed, and do an indepth ‘study’ of their families to ensure the women are safe once they leave. They also pay, arrange, and support the weddings. A huge undertaking if you know anything about Indian weddings. It’s pretty remarkable everything that they do.

The girls were really great. As always I gravitate, or they to me, to the shy one’s, as believe it or not, I am pretty shy in new, unknown situations. One of my most meaningful moments happened that day too. We were doing a Yoga class with the girls, but I sat out cause I was feeling pretty horrible. Suzanne starting playing the drum and everyone started dancing and I noticed two girls kinda standing there hesitant, unsure and had a ‘stop pitying yourself/vulnerably open hearted moment, and went and grabbed their hands and started dancing and jumping and singing with them. One girl is still at the stage of having a hard time making eye contact, so I kept leaning down to her level and smiling. She would occasionally look and smile back. Heart melting. They laughed and danced and all my shit melted away for a few minutes. Such an incredibly empowering and healing moment for all three of us. I will never forget that feeling… at least I hope not to.

When we do the best we can, we never know what miracle is wrought in our life, or in the life of another. – Helen Keller

Often what triggers us, scares us, or turns us away from others is simply a mirror shining our own insecurities, issues, trauma’s right back at us. I have seen this the whole trip for myself. The girls who I am hesitant to approach always approach me. I see myself in them. And they, I feel, gravitate in perhaps safety towards me. I also see myself in the leaders here that we are meeting. A great reminder of how we can be both the vulnerable girl and strong leader.

People are like stained-glass windows.

 They sparkle and shine when the sun is out,

 but when the darkness sets in,

 their true beauty is revealed only if

 there is a light from within.

 - Elizabeth Kübler-Ross

First published Feb. 28, 2013