The Medicine in Giving Up
|"There's always some relief in giving up."|
~ Lauren Oliver
A couple of weeks ago I woke up with a deep realization that two years ago I decided to make some big changes and then announced it to you all.
My intention was to go back to school for Spiritual Psychology.
Once I met with my academic advisor, to pick classes and get things in place for the Fall, it quickly became apparent that I wasn't going to be able to carry on with my life the way it was and be able to go and see my vision come to fruition in a reasonable amount of time.
I made a decision to carry on with teaching yoga and the way things were.
Essentially, I gave up.
Before I even tried!
I took some time to think and see what showed up in my life in order to decide what my next steps would be.
What would I do now?
I ended up transferring my desire to learn physcology to Acupuncture because, honestly, I think it saved my life.
A couple times.
I did this much more quietly though this time.
No big announcements.
Subtle sharing with those close or around me.
I felt like such a failure dropping out of school before even starting that I thought it best to keep this more to myself.
What if it doesn't work out either? How embarrassing!
When I started taking classes it was just like with yoga for me.
I wanted to dive in and know, learn, and share it all.
But rather quickly it became apparent that the school didn't uphold my expectations and value wasn't present for the deep investment in time and money.
I gave up, again.
Well at least I got a little further, I thought to myself.
Yet, once again though I felt like a failure.
I judged myself.
Was embarrassed too.
Long story of beliefs I have been told about myself and took on.
Also because I know I am not a good "finisher" and I excel at Creation.
Was really trying to "work on that".
What I didn't know, that I see beyond clearly now, was that the Universe was just redirecting me to Better.
What was waiting for me.
I see how I am about to Become everything and exactly what I hoped for myself it just looks so much different than I had planned.
I am still keeping things closer, quiet, and sharing with small pockets of people close to me, but this time I have no doubt I will be sharing with everyone soon enough.
I have learnt so much over the past two years, like to stop judging myself for being so good at "going with the flow."
But, here's what I really, really want to leave you with today:
Healing in not linear.
The beliefs I have been carrying might still be present, given the conditions or triggers BUT I trust in my intuition, instincts, and Self is much, much stronger than the residue of those beliefs.
That is healing.
That is valuable.
That is growth.
It might takes years, look different, and cause pain but that doesn't mean it isn't going to happen for you.
There is medicine in Giving Up.
For me it was that I would, I did.
For so long, so many years, I pushed through.
I felt like I had to.
I wanted to prove (god knows to who?).
Or I couldn't give up.
And just know that so many of us do this.
Just Google "quotes on giving up" and you will understand why.
We are conditioned to relate to it as failure.
But it's not.
So lets start this Spring not being so hard on ourselves.
Easing up a little.
And stand in the Full Moon ready to give up something.
Maybe it's the shitty relationship.
Maybe it's the wine.
Maybe it's the toxic friend.
Maybe it's the limiting beliefs.
But know that beyond the "need" is the Medicine you actually need.
Trust your Self.
Here is your hOMework:
1) Take our your journal and list 2-4 things you need to Give Up right now.
2) Commit to one you can follow through on before the end of the month.
3) Write down 5-8 reasons why you are giving it up to make sure you remember.
4) What has it taught you and what might you replace it with
(that is healthier/transformational/
The medicine you get from giving up only comes if you let yourself learn from it.