Dearest Miracle Workers,
Unless you have somehow managed to shut your self off from the world, you know that tomorrow is Valentine's day.
In an effort to always support you in living + loving like you mean it during this one precious life, I wanted to offer a musing on the 'fear of love'.
It is one that I myself came to learn a few years ago.
You see for many years, when I first got Lola, the ability to love something or someone the way I did for her scared the shit out of me.
I like it to, perhaps, the fears new mother's or mother's to be have.
The possibility of the existence of a living creature that can make you forget that there ever was love before.
Or what you thought was love barely shines a sprinkle of light in comparison.
I spent years doing what I had been taught by one parent, pushing it away, keeping my distance, battling the inner want with the fear of getting too close.
I woke up the day I turned 30 in Gili Islands and craved it all.
Lola, a home, to settle down, ground, and stop running from it all.
I didn't want to be like that parent any longer.
It was a moment that I knew I was worthy, capable, and craving more.
Since then Lola has literally been a big part of my spiritual practice.
Not only allowing my self to vulnerably receive the unconditional love that she gifted me, but patience, seeing things like she would or a child, and how to stand my ground in the face of fear to loving too much.
In the last six years there has not been a day that has gone by where I don't learn from her, continue to practice opening beyond what I thought I was capable of, and loving her like I would a child.
And now, as the Master of Savasana prepares for her transition, she is teaching me how to not shut down.
Instead of avoiding, staying safe, or denying the fear of her death, I ran towards it.
I am home.
I share this because on this day, really any day, we can project our fears, judgements, illusions, and doubts on to those we love the most and cause suffering.
Our own and for others.
"Projection makes perception." ~ ACIM
So our awakening, or enlightenment, comes when we can face the conditions we put on ourselves and others when it comes to love.
For example, "They didn't get me the 'perfect' gift" = they must not love me, or "I am single and alone on Valentine's day" = I am unlovable.
So how can we make this the best Valentine's Day yet?
By letting go of the need to have others fill us up, show us, or provide love. To stop looking outside of ourselves for validation of it.
And, lastly, to recognize that each person who surrounds us is teaching us how to love more!
So instead of looking outside our ourselves for the validation or feeling, make a commitment to look within.
This takes the pressure off your partners to have certain conditions that must be met in order for you to feel loved. It will also lessen the 'neediness' that can exist when all of our love is based on a relationship.
If we are single or not, it reminds us that we are enough and have within us the very thing we are seeking from another.
If it so happens that you find yourself annoyed, hurt, agitated, confused, or down right angry today, at your partner or yourself, take a sacred pause.
Close your eyes and go within.
Notice what is behind that feeling.
An expectation?
A lack?
A fear?
Judgement?
Illusions?
"We want to notice fear and meet it directly while it's still an emotion, not a behavior. We want to confront or comfort, diffuse and transform it before it seeps into our actions and starts running the show. " ~ Danielle Laporte
Remind yourself that you have met a powerful teacher (person or feeling) and have the opportunity to grow and love more.
There is a "scary" expression that says 'actions speak louder than words' and I say scary because I think this creates these ideals we place on this day to an extant.
The truer saying is "only Love is real."
With or without gifts, single or a beloved, connected in person or by heart, use this day to remember this...
Love has no conditions.
If you are feeling really blocked or stuck on this today/tomorrow, wanting to avoid the day completely, or desire to amplify your ability to receive love, try one of these practices to help you move forward with ease + Grace.
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